What is going on with these boobs?

Dear J,

What is going on with these boobs? Even upon zoom-in I remain perplexed!!!

 Zoom right on in at: Yoox.com

XOXO
J

dear god, no.

dear J,
I know Comme Des Garcons is too haute for me to fully comprehend, but these are just awful. Maybe if you were to frame them and display them via shadow box, I would ALMOST approve...but wearing these is NOT a good idea for anyone (in my humble opinion).

Comme Des Garcons VINTAGE SCARF SHORTS  $2275

KISSES AND HUGS FROM THE CAPE!!!
j

Special Flatforms

Dear J,

I know platforms and "flatforms" are way in right now. But that is no excuse for these. They are an insult to all that is good and right in the world...they are an assault on my senses. From the leather that seamlessly continues straight down the 4 inch platform, to the skinny sole...i am disgusted. I do, however, understand the $128 price tag, as that much leather does not come cheap!

Club kid platform $128 at Nastygal.com

XO,
J

No, My coochie is NOT showing...it just looks like it is.

Dear Juliana,
As I gawked at how overly complicated and busy this swimsuit looked, my dear husband pointed out to me that, due to a strategically placed dark area of print, it looked as if we were seeing this model's hair "down there." So not only is this suit overly busy and a bit strange...it also has, what i would deem to be, an extremely undesirable peek-a-boo illusion in an area that should not be peeked!!!
kisses,
j

Rag & Bone "Elizabeth One Piece" reduced from $370 to $185

Snatch it up while you can (pun intended!) at Ssense

high class hooker

Dear Jessica,

I am not going to deny there is something I love about this dress. What I question here, is the actual use of the word “dress” when referring to this garment. If it was lingerie, I’d be right there. But as I am looking for a dress to wear to a wedding in July, I can’t help but think that if I showed up in this, people might mistake me for a high class hooker…

xo,

j

Julien Macdonald
Lace Detailed Silk Chiffon Dress
Original Price 4,395 Now 1,538.25
at The Outnet

Another Denim Fail

Dear Juliana,
 These jeans are not flattering nor attractive nor inexpensive and the name couldn't be more misleading. They anger me.
kisses, and hope to see you soon (in hot, brightly colored denim!)
j

Tory Burch Tab-Front Super Skinny Jeans

reduced on Bloomingdales.com to $131.60

Gap-trocious

Dear Juliana,

No, The Gap is not my favorite store, but they have cute pieces from time to time. This pair of shorts is bad, even for The Gap. Did anyone in charge even look at these on a model before putting them into production? From the overdone sandblasting, to the flarey bermuda legs, to the exposed button fly...these shorts just won't quit (and quittin' time was in 1992).

Ick.

Jessica

Patch pocket shorts (cape may wash)

Gap $54.95 (whoa, NOT discounted yet, WHAT?)

Um, Hello!

Dear Jessica,

Is that a crazy diagonal fly, or are you just happy to see me?

:)
Juliana

Elizabeth and James
Jacques Short
$295
at Shopbop

Special Sneakers

Dear J,
These Isabel Marant sneakers remind me of something a female Napoleon Dynamite would wear. Just in case you have gone mad and are thinking that they may not be so bad when on, i have posted a photo of them in action. They are indeed HORRIBLE.

xoxo,
j

ISABEL MARANT

Perkins suede and leather wedge sneakers

$660 Net-a-Porter

Uggly

Dear Jessica,

Uggs are comfortable. I will not deny that. I will not deny that there are days when all I want to put on are my uggs and jeans and a big sweatshirt. However, Uggs are also ugly. Even the least ugly Uggs are ugly. And these, well, they are taking it to a whole new level. The worst part? You know these are being worn with jeans. And you know how I feel about denim on denim...

xo
Juliana

UGG® Australia "Delaine" Sport Boots

Reg $160.00
Sale $112.00

at Bloomingdales

This just pisses me off

Dear Juliana,
i know this pisses you off too. It is April 27...no, i do not want to preview fall '11!!!!
f u Bergdorf Goodman!

Love,

J

look familiar?

Dear Jessica,

This outfit reminds me fondly of the 3 piece set debacle of 2008. Only in this case, the shorts are leather and the pants satin. I guess we were ahead of our time.

xo,
J

Maison Martin Margiela
at Bergdorf Goodman
Leather Shorts- $1,395.00
Satin Pants- $1,110.00

The 70's are back in the worst possible way...

Dear Juliana,

I know we have spoken of these before, but they are worth another look for their overall ridiculousness. I love the 70's revival, but Phillip Lim is devastatingly off with these blue pants. If you do like them, I could stop by and pick some up for you for $2.00 at the salvation army! no worries, i'll take care of it before the weekend.

kisses,
Jessica

3.1 Phillip Lim Patch Pocket Pants....$395!!!!!

Speechless

Dear Jessica,

I...
this...
someone thought...
*sigh*

xo
Juliana

At Urban Outfitters
on sale (surprised?) $19.99

Perhaps it is called a Flight Suit becuse it has a built in parachute?

Dear Jessica,

If I had $1700 to spend on a jumpsuit, I would most definitely (NOT) choose this one.

xoxo
Juliana

Matthew Williamson
Utility Flight Suit
$1718.00

Terrifying floral highwaisted legging bell-bottoms....

Dearest Jessica,

i do not know if i can wait until your next birthday to buy these for you. perhaps we need to start celebrating our half birthdays...

http://www.betseyjohnson.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11148485

Betsy Johnson

BJ POSY CRINKLE CHIFFON MIXUP FLOUNCE LEGGING

not yet discounted...$128.00

Juliana

Poo green hideousity...

juliana,

why is this on sale? i can't imagine people would not want a poo green sack of a mock-necked maxi?

http://www.asos.com/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1387252

ASOS Pleated Sleeveless Maxi Dress

marked down from $116.55 to $69.93

jessica